So today, I spoke to a therapist.
I walked into the small room and was greeted with a cute lady who appeared to be in her early 40’s. She invites me inside, to which notice that the room was completely covered in white. White chairs, White walls, white everything. It was simple, kind of relaxing. Nothing too busy was going on in the room. No bright colours or anything that was too distracting. I loved the vibe I had walked into.
We sit down and she simply asked me “What made you want to come here today?”
What a question.
I began talking about how I worry too much, how my anxiety can get pretty bad, about when my parents divorced a few years ago, about my confidence which tends to go up and down, about my self-belief and about my career struggles.
She seemed to get me instantly.
Like everything I was telling her, she understood and didn’t cringe at or make me feel embarrassed. I liked it. And I liked her. I felt comfortable talking about my life and current problems I am going through.
I describe what happens when I feel most anxious, to which she replied “Yeah, those are panic attacks you’re experiencing”.
Me? Having real panic attacks.
She went on to explain that panic attacks can be extremely varied depending on the person. Some are random & out of the blue, others could be caused from a certain event. Some make your breathing ridiculously fast and maybe even make you pass out. Others cause your heart beat a lot faster, a sick feeling in your stomach, the struggle to breathe etc. (Which is what I seem to experience)
So yeah, it’s not on THE most violent level, but today I learnt that I suffer from panic attacks. And I didn’t even know it. I thought it was just bad nerves or worries. But, I felt somewhat better that I had understood that about myself.
We spoke about life and my career and how I want to have a job that I am passionate about and love the bones off of. I mentioned how I write sometimes…and have this wild dream to finish my very first book.
She smiled at me when I mentioned that. And that made me feel pretty good.
I spoke about how my self love is always there, even if it goes up and down. She smiled at that part too. (If you know me well or read my posts, you’ll know how passionate I am about self love). And I also talked to her about my self belief. How one minute I believe I can achieve something, then the next, I feel extremely low and like I can’t do anything. How I wake up one morning and could either feel really good or really bad about myself.
She got it.
She got it all.
It was so great.
I feel better already.
It was a turning point for me. I feel motivated and determined to continue seeing her.
I highly recommend seeing a therapist if something is there, in the back of your head, nagging you. Or your worrying states have become so bad that it’s just getting ridiculous. Or your love for your own life has weakened and you feel…well…shit. Like I sometimes do.
If you’re having problems, then fuck it. Go & see someone.
This woman REALLY knew what she was talking about. It was brilliant. She wasn’t a bullshitter.
I never realised how weight-lifting it would be. Or how much therapists ACTUALLY understand you!
But yeah, if I can do it, I’m sure you can too.