Ok, so in a recent post, I spoke about how I’ve been going to a therapist (which is going REALLY well, by the way). I mentioned how anxiety was one of the main reasons why I made the decision to start having sessions and how I’d been having panic attacks without even knowing.
Well, today…was a bad one.
Like, this was a proper bad panic attack. And before I go into details, people that suffer with anxiety/panic attacks experience them in different ways. Some can be ridiculous, others can be minor. The symptoms can vary over a majority of things and I wouldn’t say that I suffer with them in the worst possible way. If there was a scale of anxiety, one end being mild and the other being terribly severe, I would place myself in the middle, if not, leaning towards the more severe end of the stick.
Ok, so, I’m at a meeting at work, going over some product training. I had been feeling a little off all morning, pretty down and a little depressed. My stomach was playing up…and yes…in that way. I had to go. Like, literally, I had to go.
So, I excuse myself to the toilet, basically ruin the cubicle I use (HAHA) and next thing I know, I feel like I’m going to faint. My sight went all blotchy and I could hardly see anything. My hearing was almost gone, my body was getting more and more numb as the seconds ticked by. I could feel my heart rate increasing. And the feeling made me begin to panic even more.
F*ck, I thought. I’m gonna pass out
Luckily, I didn’t. Thank god. I’m already embarrassed enough, let alone falling to the floor, unconscious.
I was sent home and had a bath straight away. My insides felt raw and a headache began to form. But I was calm. And that reason was because I was in my house & in my comfort zone.
Do any of you get that? The anxiety starts when you’re out of your area of comfort, of security, of contentment.
I also find that it’s the fear of the unknown. I didn’t know what to expect today and for some reason, I let it get the better of me. Not knowing what’s gonna happen is what tends to set it off. And I hate that shit. Ugh.
But, I’ve chosen to work on this area of my life. One day, I’ll be better. One day, I’ll be happier.